First Overnight Camp? 7 Things Parents Should Know Before Sending Their Child

Sending your child to overnight camp for the first time is a big deal.

For them, yes. But also for you.

I have been running Camp Telaphiba for 12 years, and I have watched a lot of first-time campers arrive with that combination of excitement and apprehension. I've also watched a lot of parents try very hard to smile at drop-off while I can practically see the questions running through their heads.

Will she make friends? Will she feel included? What if she gets homesick? What if she needs me? What if she's just not ready?

Those are fair questions. You're sending one of the most important people in your world away for several days and trusting someone else to take care of her.

I don't take that lightly. Ever.

But I also know something that many first-time camp parents don't know yet.

You might be about to give your child the opportunity to discover something about herself that she can't discover if you don't let her go.

So, from one mom to another, and from someone who has spent more than a decade watching kids experience overnight camp, here are seven things I think every parent should know before that first drop-off.

1. Nervous does not mean she's not ready.

I think sometimes we look for this magical moment when our child suddenly declares, "I'm completely ready! I'm not nervous at all!"

That might happen. But I wouldn't count on it.

Being ready for camp doesn't mean your child knows she's going to succeed. It doesn't mean she won't feel nervous when she sees you getting ready to leave. And it definitely doesn't mean she won't miss you.

For me, readiness is much simpler.

Is she genuinely interested? Is there a little spark when she thinks about going? Is she willing to step into the circle and see what happens?

That's enough.

She can be excited AND nervous. She can want to go AND wonder if she can do it. Those feelings aren't opposites. I've found they often show up together right before a child does something that matters.

2. She's probably wondering if she'll belong.

Parents worry about homesickness, safety, sleeping, food and a hundred other things. But underneath so many of the worries I hear from kids is something even more basic:

Will I have friends? Will people like me? Will I fit in? Will I have someone to sit with?

In other words: Will I belong?

Here's something pretty wonderful about camp: almost everyone is walking into the experience a little unsure.

Even the child who looks completely confident may be wondering who will be in her cabin, who she'll eat with, who she'll dance with, whether people will think she's funny, and whether she'll find her people.

There's something about going through that uncertainty together that creates really strong bonds. I've watched kids arrive as strangers and leave talking about Camp Telaphiba as home. Our staff say it, too.

That's one of the things I love most about camp. You don't have to arrive already belonging. Camp gives kids the opportunity to build that belonging for themselves.

3. Your confidence in her matters more than you realize.

This one can be hard for parents.

Of course you're going to miss her. You should!

But be careful about how much of your apprehension you hand to your child before she leaves.

Sometimes, with the very best intentions, parents spend the days leading up to camp saying things like, "I'm going to miss you SO much," or "The dog is going to be looking for you," or even, "Are you SURE you're ready?"

All of that comes from love. But your child may hear something different:

Mom isn't sure I can do this.

Instead, this is your opportunity to lend her your confidence.

"I am so excited for you."

"You are going to have such an adventure."

"I can't wait to hear about it."

"You can do this."

You can cry in the car afterward. We won't judge you. :)

But when you are with her, let her see that you believe she can do this. Because your belief in her says so much more than simply, "I'm sending you to camp."

It says, "I believe in you as a person."

4. Don't keep pulling her heart back home.

Home is your child's safe place. Her bed. Her family. Her dog. Her cat. Her favorite things.

And when we're nervous about our kids leaving, it's natural to keep talking about all of those things. But right before camp, I want you to help her look forward, not backward.

Talk about what she might discover. Who she might meet. What she's excited to try. What she's going to tell you about when she gets home.

Let home be her secure foundation without making her feel responsible for everything she's leaving behind.

Home will still be there. Right now, give her permission to go have the adventure.

5. Missing home is not a sign that something has gone wrong.

Kids miss home at camp.

There. I said it.

And I actually think we need to stop treating homesickness like something that must be prevented at all costs.

At Camp Telaphiba, we talk about it. There is a point in the week when many campers start to feel a little tug toward home. Rather than allowing a child to think, What's wrong with me? Everyone else is having fun and I'm the only one who misses my family, we acknowledge it.

Our staff miss people, too. Other campers miss people, too.

You can miss home and still be having an incredible experience.

We recognize the feeling, let kids know they aren't alone in it, and then help them move forward. Because one of the greatest things a child can discover is:

I can feel uncomfortable for a moment without needing to escape the feeling.

It passes. And on the other side of it is often a really proud kid.

6. A great camp knows when it's time to stop talking about missing home and start living again.

When one of our campers is struggling, of course we care for her. We listen. We reassure her. We let her know her feelings are normal.

And then?

We get her back into camp.

Back with her friends. Back into dance. Back into the activity. Back into laughing. Back into whatever is happening around her.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for a child who is missing home isn't to sit beside her and talk about home for the next hour. It's to help her rejoin the life happening right in front of her.

After 12 years and thousands of campers, I can count on one hand the number of kids who have actually left camp early.

That doesn't mean thousands of kids have never had a hard moment. They have.

It means we've gotten really good at helping kids realize they can move through one.

We take the responsibility of caring for someone else's child incredibly seriously. We care for these kids like they are our own. I know that's easy for me to say. And I also know that, as a parent, sometimes you don't fully understand that until you see your child on the other side.

7. Success at camp might look different than you expect.

I learned this one from a camper.

Years ago, we had a child who really struggled with being away from home. We worked with her and loved on her and did everything we could, but ultimately, she went home after four of the five days.

I remember feeling like I had failed.

She didn't make it through the whole camp.

Then I talked to her mom.

Her mom told me that on the first day of camp, their family had stayed in the town below us for hours because they were so certain she wouldn't be able to stay. They expected the call almost immediately.

And she stayed.

One night. Then another. Then another.

She made it four days.

Her mom didn't see failure at all. She saw a massive success.

That conversation changed my perspective.

Sometimes success isn't a child bounding out of the car without looking back and never missing home for a second. Sometimes success is doing something that's really hard for you and discovering you can do more than you thought.

That's camp.

And then they come home.

They did it.

They slept away from home. They navigated new situations. They made friends. They figured things out. They laughed until their stomachs hurt. They danced. They had hard moments. They got through them.

And they're proud.

That's one of the reasons Camp Telaphiba means so much to me.

I didn't create camp simply because I wanted kids to have another place to dance.

I wanted them to have another home.

I wanted them to have a place they could think about all year long. Because sometimes school is hard. Sometimes friendships are hard. Sometimes things just aren't going the way a kid wants them to go.

And I wanted our campers to have another place in their world where they know:

There are people who know me. There are people who love me. There is a place where I belong. I have something wonderful waiting for me.

That is so much bigger than summer camp to me.

So if you're sitting there thinking, My child would absolutely love this, but I don't know if I'm ready to send her...

I'd tell you what I tell our parents:

Let's give her the chance to do it.

She might actually be a little less nervous than you are.

And your willingness to let her go experience something without you sends a pretty powerful message:

I believe you can do this. I believe you can make friends. I believe you can handle the hard moment if it comes. I believe in you.

Someday, when she's faced with something much bigger than summer camp, I hope a little piece of her remembers:

I've done hard things before.

I can do this, too.

That's the dream.

Lisa Pevateaux
Dream Maker, Camp Telaphiba